Sports nicknames are an obsession for me. Nicknames are mostly: corny, goofy and punny; but, for some reason we agree that they are actually cool. I love trying to come up with nicknames for players on my beloved Houston sports teams. I may have—from time to time—tried to even get names to stick by constantly calling a player something so corny and weird that my friends ask me to stop.
Honestly, I think my corny nickname giving is streets ahead.1 We live in a world we cowards don’t intend their puns and a whole generation is worried about being “cringe”. So my goofy-ass isn’t always appreciated. But I think history will be on my side. We all crave camp and silliness.
Sometimes sports nicknames are boring as white rice. MJ and Mike for Michael Jordan were basic, but like white rice: they stick. However we all know him as Air Jordan as well. This was genius branding and a great nickname. But if you separated the name from the player: it’s a little goofy. Admit it. One of my favorite nicknames right now is found on my beloved Houston Astros. Certified-drip-god Framber Valdez goes by “La Grasa”. It’s amazing. But “The Fat” is arguably a ridiculous nickname even with slang connotations.
There are many things that can go into a good nickname. I’ve always been a little obsessed. Trying to find the formula to a good nickname. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I never had a nickname. Well, at least to my knowledge. I’m sure there has been some kind of name that people have called me behind my back that might have been savage, but I didn’t know about it. I won’t sit here and act like I’m a naming expert. I’m not. I’m just a clown that likes wordplay, puns, and light teasing/joking. However, there is a new nickname that has entered the chat that is a big game changer. A new fighter has emerged. The Ad Hominem Fallacy.
To be fair, basketball nicknames have come a long way since Hakeem “the Dream”. (Iconic. Hall of Fame rhyming and nickname). Hell, we’ve come a long way since Shaq going out there and giving himself his own nicknames. Lately, basketball nicknames are taking an intellectual and interesting turn.
GQ has a nice article to share some of the nicknames that exist in the Gen-Z NBA. But for me, I’m obsessed with Jalen Green aka The Ad Hominem Fallacy. It rolls of the tongue doesn’t it? Jalen Green has been a fun basketball player to cheer for, but what exactly has he done to be called the Ad Hominem Fallacy? I’m glad you asked.
Jalen Green has been a divisive figure in the basketball world. He’s a bit of a personality and some of his off-court behavior is constantly being criticized by basketball fans. It’s the new way of being an athlete. You are a brand and you are finding a spotlight and having your moment. I’m here for it. But sometimes if you have idiosyncrasies, the internet haters will attack and meme. Jalen Green as a young baller has been great for bloggers and meme-ears. But this season Jalen Green and the Houston Rockets have taken a step forward. Green is proving that he is a force to be reckoned with in the NBA and is showcasing his talents nightly. The Houston Rockets just clinched a playoff berth. Their first since 2020 and they have also just won their 8th game in a row to find themselves currently in second place in the NBA’s Western Conference.
You can hate on Jalen if you want, but—at this point—it might not be a basketball related argument as to why you hate on him; because his on-the-court success is real right now. If you’re critical, maybe it’s about something else. Maybe you’re reaching. A Strawman Arguement if you will. Or as the intellectual nickname enthusiasts know it as: The Ad Hominem Fallacy.
It’s a bit of a head-scratcher for most, but it’s so heady and good. Personally, I love it. It might not be for everyone. But neither is Green. It may be a little weird and goofy. BUT WHAT NICKNAME ISN’T?
I do wonder: what would my head-scratcher nickname be? Maybe “Comedy Is Subjective” or “He Just Needs One Word To Get Started” or maybe we can land on El Cucuy?
Sure, Ad Hominem Fallacy may be a weird nickname. But I say we can get weirder. I dream of a day where every player in the NBA has a complicated or niche nickname. I dream of a day where we can learn about concepts through nicknames of ballers. We are so close. Let’s put on out thinking caps and come up with some good ones, y’all! This is coming from , El Cucuy himself.
This piece was also posted on Space Cadet, Paul’s Substack about everything instead of just about sports. Check it if you’re looking for more.
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